happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are a genius and a whore.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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