pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
