I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't deserve a penis
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
