Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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