she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
