your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
