Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
