I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
