Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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