I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
