I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
