My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
