please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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