Do vagina's smell?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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