Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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