i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
