GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
