I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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