It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
