dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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