It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
