I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
