I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
