Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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