You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
