Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
