I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
