Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
