First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
