we're blogging at a bar
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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