If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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