I faked an abortion last night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
