i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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