woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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