I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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