The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
