Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
