i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My ass is underappreciated
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
