I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
