he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
