Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
