I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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