I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
