I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
