As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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