ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
