i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
