while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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