I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
