The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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