I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
