So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
