i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
