i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
