There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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