I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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