There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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