I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
