Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
