Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
