Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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