tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
