yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize