just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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