think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
