Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
