we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
