Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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