You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
