I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
