Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
