I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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