just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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